Dreaming. Again.

"Hurry up, you'll be late for school."

Mum is shouting again from the bottom of the stairs, exasperation filling the air.

"ALRIGHT. I heard you the first time."

I can feel myself getting wound up. It's only been 5 minutes and I can't smell the toast yet.

"Victoria, you are going to be so late. What are you doing up there?"

Seriously, she's only just called me. What's wrong with her. I'm going as fast as I can, at least... I am, I don't want to be late, but... where are my tights, I had them on a minute ago when I put my skirt on. Where's my skirt... where's my shirt and I'd brushed my hair, I remember looking in the mirror and noticing another spot, but I haven't even cleaned my teeth yet.

"Victoria. I'm losing my patience."

There she goes again, hassling me when I'm already dressed and ready to go. I've been ready for ages... my bed feels so warm, I don't want to get out. Just five more minutes then I'll turn the light on and get up. No, I'm already up and dressed... why is it dark, why does it say 3am on the clock by my bed.

Who's that. I saw something, something moved.

There it is again.

I need to see, I need the light on.

There it goes again.

"Mum."

"Muuuum."

"MUUUUUUM."

Where is she, she's been shouting up the stairs for the past hour. No she hasn't, she can't have, it's too early. But I heard her, she was calling me again and again. She didn't stop, she was really worried, why was she worried, was she crying. I heard her crying, she was hurt, I could tell, but I didn't go to her. I wanted to, but I couldn't. I was getting ready for school.

No. No, that is not it. I was trapped, I couldn't get to her. I couldn't help her. I wanted to help her, I wanted to help my mum. Why couldn't I help her, she was hurt and crying and I left her.

"MUUUUUUM."

It's too dark, really dark, and cold too. I'm shivering, but we have the heating on, we always have it on low in winter to keep the ice from getting in. The blue ice that comes from the north, the ice that cracks our bones and breaks our hearts. I can feel it now, scratching at the door, searching for a way in. It's so cold.

"Morning darling, time to wake up. You've got your field trip today so you can't be late. Do you want me to put some toast on?"

"Mmmmmmm, maybe. I'm still tired, is it cold out?"

"Cold? Not at all. The sun is out and I've put suncream by your bag."

"Mum?"

"Yes darling."

"Were you crying last night?"

"Crying? What made you say that? No darling, I went to bed just after you."

"Oh, it must have been a dream. Never mind. I'll get up now."

"Ok darling, I'll go and put that toast on."

My clothes are all ready for me on the chair. I wash slowly, my thoughts stuck on my dream. Why do we have such weird dreams. I didn't like it, I could still feel its lingering presence like a shadow in my mind. I spit and rinse and brush my hair. Oh, another spot.

All dressed, but I've forgotten something. Something I have to do.

"Hurry up, you'll be late for school."

Mum is shouting again from the bottom of the stairs, exasperation filling the air.

"ALRIGHT. I heard you the first time."

I can feel myself getting wound up. It's only been 5 minutes and I can't smell the toast yet.

"Victoria, you are going to be so late. What are you doing up there?"

It's getting darker.

It's getting colder.

It's happening again, I've been here before. 

I can't stop it. And I can't find my tights.